The Commercials of Our Lives

Recently I’ve started charting the commercials I watch everyday. I started thinking about my life in terms of demographics because being a young, white male has affected me in various ways from admissions applications to surveys and employment, but I never thought of it in terms of commercials. See I watch a lot of TV. Unhealthy amounts of it. In fact I once tried to tally up all the movies that I’ve ever seen, different movies mind you, not multiple views, and I got lost in the 300s. Some of my favorite movies are black and whites on the 500s channel of our cable network. These channels often feature ads for Depends, power scooters and life insurance. I can tell you all about pills that will regulate your digestive system, or control your blood pressure. I can tell you which lawyers offer free consultations when those pills start to kill you. I can even tell you which retirement plans offer you the fastest way to Florida.

I think the commercials reveal far more about me than the TV shows I watch. Sure, watching Adam-12 means I like police shows. Of course watching Perry Mason means I like courtroom dramas. The real hard evidence lies in the fact that I can carry on a better conversation with a 60 year old than I can with a 16 year old. These young kids don’t know anything about Colonial Penn Life, or the Scooter Chair. The fact that I choose Charlie Chaplin’s silent films over Brain Regan boisterous youtube videos only strengthens the argument.

Sometimes I wonder how long this idiotic 3D trend will last. The commercials show happy families gloriously wearing their 3D glasses all cuddled up on the couch. The reality is that if I wanted to wear glasses to wear TV I would go through the trouble of using my fingers to put plastic contacts directly on my eyeballs. I made that sacrifice to save my nose from those embarrassing red marks, and to keep from having to wipe my glasses in the rain.

These same kinds of choices are made everyday by like-minded individuals who enjoy the freedom of Depends, the improved mobility of the Scooter Chair and the relief of a Colonial Penn Life insurance policy.